Funeral stationery — how to choose it so it reflects the person you're saying goodbye to

Have you ever gone to a funeral and it's felt mismatched or inconsistent with the person you're saying goodbye to?

Many years ago a close friend died suddenly. He was an amazing and talented musician and played the guitar. Mostly rock music. As we walked into the crematorium chapel, a piece of classical music was playing. His close friend was seated next to me. He leaned across to me and whispered in disbelief, 'But he hated classical music'.  I nodded.  The order of service was simple and understated. The welcome sign had a picture of him smartly dressed (in real life he was very much a scruffy jeans and t-shirt, open shirt type of man) and the  poster writing was in a different font to the order of service and had a brightly coloured background.

The memory book had a floral design that didn't fit with his personality, and the memory book signage was a hand written last-minute afterthought. And the subsequent cliched design scatter tube was white doves ascending into azure blue skies towards an eternal glow.  Understandably his family were beside themselves in grief and had done their best at an incredibly hard time. 

But nothing felt like him. And that memory stays with you.

For someone who was quietly stylish, or simply someone whose personality deserved more than a generic design — the coordination matters more than people realise. Not just one piece. All of it. Together. Telling the same story. Their story. 

Why it happens — and why it's not your fault

Planning a funeral happens across the worst weeks of your life.

Most funerals take place within a few weeks of someone's passing. In that window you are grieving, fielding phone calls, managing family dynamics, dealing with paperwork and making dozens of decisions you have never had to make before. 

According to a recent Sue Ryder charity poll, 54% of people who had lost someone said they were uncertain about key funeral decisions because no conversations had taken place with their loved one beforehand. Almost three in 10 who arranged a funeral (29%) felt anxiety at the lack of clarity, while 22% experienced guilt, worrying they had made the wrong choices.

In grief, most people do exactly what any reasonable person would do. They go with what is offered, what is easiest, and what is right in front of them. This can also incur overspend, with 59% of people who have arranged a funeral spending beyond their means. 

So, the funeral director arranges an order of service. You choose the least wrong option from what's available. If there's a hymn, chances are it will be 'Jerusalem' or 'Morning Has Broken' — hopefully something everyone will know and will sing.

Someone else in the family sorts the service welcome sign at midnight. A well-meaning sibling orders a flower patterned memory book for the funeral tea. Weeks later, when it comes to the scatter tube, you'll either choose from what the funeral director has to offer or you search online for alternatives. 

Each decision is made with love. None of them are made together.

The result is five separate things that don't speak the same language — and a farewell that feels, somehow, slightly less than the person deserved.

What funeral stationery actually does

Before we talk about how to fix it, it's worth understanding why stationery matters in the first place.

From the moment guests arrive, walk past a welcome poster that confirms they are in the right place and pick up an order of service, the tone is set. Stationery guides people through an unfamiliar experience — when to stand, sit, or sing and what comes next — giving them somewhere to look when emotions feel too big for the room.

It also gives people a way to share in the day. A prayer card carrying a favourite poem sits in a wallet long after the funeral is over. A memorial bookmark slips into a pocket on the day and ends up being used in the book on a bedside table for years. A thank you card sent six weeks later — when the flowers have died and the phone has gone quiet — reminds someone that their presence was noticed and valued and gets added to the family noticeboard.

These things last. When they are picked up again—on an anniversary, on a birthday, on an ordinary Tuesday—they reflect that person's life long after the day itself. Taking time to choose the right pieces transforms a service from something attended into something deeply felt and remembered.

Funeral stationery — what each piece is for

Invitations and funeral notice The first piece of stationery many families need lets people know the date, time and location. Sent by post or digitally. Sets the tone before the day itself.

Welcome poster The first thing guests see when they arrive. A name, a photograph, a date. Done well, it not only confirms and reassures people they are in the right place but also, before a word has been spoken, that this farewell has been thought about.

Order of service The most read piece on the day. It outlines the service, carries the words of readings and hymns, explains who is speaking and gives people something to hold and look at. It is also the piece most likely to be kept long afterwards. Choose something that feels like the person — not just like a funeral.

Memorial bookmark: These are optional extras; they are functional and personal.  Guests use them — which means they keep them. Found again in books years later, at exactly the right moment.

Memorial cards and prayer cards Optional traditional extras, small enough to slip into a pocket or wallet. A photograph, a date, a line that was theirs. Often the piece that travels furthest and lasts longest.

Memory book and or memory cards These pieces provide guests with an option to leave a story, memory or photo about the deceased or a condolence for the family. Entries can be read and returned to again and again by the family. 

Thank-you cards and eCards The last optional piece of the farewell,  is sent weeks after the service when the immediate support has quietened. A warm thank you card says, 'You showed up, and it mattered that you were there.

Formats — what to choose and when

Most orders of service come in a few standard formats. The right one depends on the length of the service and how much content you need to include.

A four-page bifold — one piece of card  - typically A4 folded in the middle into A5, suits a straightforward service with one reading, one eulogy and a hymn or two. Clean, simple, easy to hold. 

An eight-page booklet earns its place when the service is longer — multiple hymns with full words, several readings, tributes from different people, a short biography, and family photographs. If you need room to breathe, use it. Worth knowing that pages go up in 4's (4, 8, 12 pages, etc.).

An A4 Z-fold or roll fold works well for services that need a slightly different structure — or simply a different feel. Unfolds like a letter. Can feel more personal than a traditional booklet. 

A practical note: the most common mistake is trying to fit too much into too few pages. Cramped text and small photographs do not honour the person. If in doubt, go up a size.

DIY or professional — which is right for you?

DIY funeral stationery is an increasingly popular option. It allows families to keep an eye on the budget, personalise everything to the individual, create a visual theme that runs throughout the day, and print at home or through a local or online printer service. 

Tools like Canva, Adobe Express or Word-based templates have made this genuinely accessible. These templates work best when someone in the family or a friend is comfortable making simple edits – inserting agreed-upon text or photos – and can take ownership of the files. Canva funeral stationery templates (including Afterstone's digital templates) can be accessed via a free Canva account, making them the most accessible option for families currently. 

Professional design and print For families, outsourcing stationery can mean one less thing to manage. You will still need to agree on the content and songs and manage family edits with the provider. You also need to approve each item to ensure you're happy with it before printing. The trade-off is cost and being limited to what a particular provider offers — which may not always reflect the person you are remembering.

Neither option is wrong. The right choice depends on your time, your budget and how much the visual detail matters to you.

Getting everything to match

This is where most families hit a problem — and it is entirely understandable why.

Start by speaking to your funeral director. Ask what stationery they offer, what it looks like and what it costs. Many funeral directors provide a standard range — practical and often perfectly good, but limited in design choice.

Then look online. Search for the design style you have in mind — minimal, botanical, classic, modern — and see how many pieces a particular provider offers in that design. An order of service is one thing. But does the same provider offer a welcome poster? Memorial bookmarks? Memory cards? Thank you cards to send afterwards? Many don't — which means you are back to sourcing from different places and hoping everything looks close enough.

This is the gap that most families fall into. And it is nobody's fault — it is simply the way the market is structured.

At Afterstone, everything is designed to work together. You can search by design and see every piece available in that design and colourway – from sets to individual stationery – like notelets and coordinating scatter tubes to pottery and candles, so the farewell you're organising feels like one story from beginning to end.

Where to start with arranging a coordinated farewell

If you are arranging a funeral or a celebration of life right now, start with the event notice/invitation if people still need to be told the date and location. Then move to the order of service. It is the piece with the longest lead time and the most decisions to make. 

Choose a design that reflects them. Let everything else follow from there.

If you would like everything to match without the searching, browse the Afterstone stationery collection at afterstone.co.uk or get in touch. We are a small personal business, and we are always happy to help.