Gathering to scatter or lay someone's ashes, whether as part of a memorial, a celebration of life, or a quiet moment with close family, offers a meaningful way to express love and gratitude and to say goodbye together.
It can be hard to find the right words, especially in grief. It can also be hard to say them aloud. But saying something, even something brief, can bring a real sense of closure. The examples below range from words for someone deeply loved to words for when the relationship was more complicated or distant, because sometimes you need to say something regardless. This guide gives you words you can use exactly as they are or adapt to sound like you and the person you are remembering.
Before you begin
There are no rules about what must be said when ashes are scattered. No official is required, no script is expected, and nothing needs to be formal unless you want it to be. A few things that help:
Decide who will scatter the ashes and how the ashes will be scattered. You may choose to scatter by hand or use an ash scattering tube. Read our guide on how to scatter ashes for inspiration
Decide who will speak. It might be one person leading, or several people each saying a few words. If the person speaking is worried about managing on the day, it is completely fine to read from a piece of paper or a phone or to ask someone else to read on their behalf.
Write it down beforehand. Even a few lines. Grief makes it hard to think clearly in the moment, and having the words in front of you takes the pressure off.
Keep it as short as you like. Some of the most moving farewells are a single sentence. Silence is also allowed. If words fail on the day, standing quietly together says a great deal.
Pause for the scattering itself. If you are placing a memorial stone to mark the location, this is the moment to do it, so there is somewhere to return to afterwards.
If you are considering purchasing an ash scattering tube and an engraved memorial headstone to mark their final resting spot, you may be interested in our farewell set. All products are made in Britain and ship quickly.)
Words you can use or adapt
Here are examples with varied tones and lengths. Replace the words in square brackets with your own.
Truly grateful
Dearest [Dad, husband, Grandad, cousin, uncle],
We are truly grateful for the time we've shared with you, whether celebrating successes, enjoying joyful moments, or finding comfort and wise counsel from you during life's challenges.
We will forever treasure our memories of you and will be forever better off for having known you.
And so, your kind and generous nature we commit to our memories. Your body we commit to its end, to rest in nature. And your love and humour we commit to our hearts.
Thank you [name], for all that you were and all that you gave.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
Love and light to you on this, your final journey.
What a life
What a life, [name]!
What a simply incredible life you lived and what an impact you have made on others. Look at everyone here whose life you touched.
There's no doubt that today you've left behind hearts that are aching, and tears of grief, but my goodness, you've equally left behind so many warm and funny memories and a beautiful legacy of love for us, your family and friends.
And so, it's with love and gratitude that we commit these memories to our hearts as we gently yield your body to its end with nature. We celebrate you, we honour your amazing life and accomplishments, but most of all we pay tribute to that consistent love, strength of character and sense of fun that you always shared so willingly with everyone.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
May you rest in peace. Always loved, forever to be remembered.
Dearly loved
[Name], you are so dearly loved. You remain in our hearts and our minds. You made such a lasting impact on our lives and on those around you.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
Now we let you pass from this world, for which you did so much, and for which your legacy will continue to do so. Your memory will guide us, just as you did when you were with us.
For this we say thank you, and goodbye.
Remembered by many
[Name], may your love be remembered by all those who knew you, and may your memory continue to live on through the lives of those you leave behind.
Into the freedom of the [wind or water], we let you go.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
Go safely [name], go with love in your heart and a smile on your face, and may you forever be at peace, with the certain knowledge that you were, are, and will always be, dearly loved and terribly missed.
Missed more than words
[Name], you are loved beyond measure. You will be missed more than words can say, you will be remembered, your memory cherished, and our love for you, as always, will never end.
We will hold you close and you will remain with us for eternity. Until we meet again.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
Love you, [name].
To everything there is a season
To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose here on earth: a time to be born and, sadly, a time to die.
Sad that they are gone but glad they lived; we remember [name] and acknowledge the significance and value [he, she or they] brought to our lives. It is time to say our final goodbye, committing their body to the [earth, sky, water or soil] and thus committing [name]'s memory to our hearts for the rest of our days.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
In love we leave them in peace. And with respect, we bid our final farewell.
For this option you may also want to read the full passage from Ecclesiastes 3:1 to 8, which begins with these words.
Rest in the hearts and minds
[Name], your life we honour. Your departure we accept. Your memory we will keep. Although there is grief today as we say goodbye to you, there is gratitude for your life and to have shared it with you.
But for now, rest. Rest in the hearts and minds of all those who care. And so we bid you farewell from this life and leave you to rest in peace.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
When no words seem adequate
Sometimes no words seem adequate. Instead, we are going to say our goodbyes to [name] as we listen to [song or piece of music].
Play the music, then scatter or inter the ashes.
May you rest in peace.
Borrowing someone else's words
If your own words run out, borrow them. Poems and readings exist for exactly this moment, and there is no shame in leaning on a writer who has said it better than any of us could.
W H Auden's poem Funeral Blues, which begins "Stop all the clocks", is one of the most widely read at British farewells, made famous by the eulogy scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral. That eulogy itself is worth watching before the day; its structure works beautifully at a scattering. The speaker shares the words other people used to describe the person, recalls a few of their funniest moments, admits that their own feelings are too big for words, and then hands over to the poem.
You could follow the same shape. Ask a few family members and friends beforehand for one word that sums the person up and for a favourite memory. Weave those into a few sentences, then close with a poem or reading of your choice.
When the relationship was complicated
Not every farewell is for someone deeply loved. If the relationship was difficult or distant, these words let you say goodbye honestly and with dignity, without pretending otherwise.
[Name], ours was not always an easy relationship. There were things left unsaid and things that perhaps should not have been said. But today is not for weighing any of that. Today we lay those feelings and memories down, along with you.
You lived your life, and it is over now. We acknowledge it, we acknowledge you, and we let you go.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
Go in peace, [name]. And may there be peace for all of us who remain.
For someone you barely knew
[Name], we did not know each other well. Life kept us at a distance, and it is too late now to change that. But you were part of our family and part of our story, and that deserves to be marked. So we are here, and we are saying goodbye properly, because everyone deserves that.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
Rest in peace, [name].
Honest and brief
[Name], your life is over, and we are here to see it end with dignity. Whatever passed between us, we wish you no ill. We return you to nature and we go back to our lives, and we hope there is peace in both.
Scatter or inter the ashes.
Goodbye, [name].
A simple order of service
If several people are gathering, it can help to appoint one person to lead. Here is a simple structure to follow.
Welcome. The leader opens: "Hello, everyone. We are here today to honour and remember [name]. As we come together to remember them and to [scatter or inter] their ashes, let us find comfort in the memories we hold dear."
Personal comments. The leader invites a family member or friend to share their memories.
Song. "We will now play [song title and artist] for [name]."
Reading of a poem. "[Name] will read a [poem or piece of writing] in honour of [name]."
Reflection and sharing. "At this time, I invite anyone who wishes to share a memory or a few words about [name] to come forward."
Scattering or interring of ashes. "We will now proceed with the [scattering or interring] of [name]'s ashes [and the placement of the memorial stone to mark the location]. As we do so, let us take a moment of silence to reflect on their life and the impact they had on us."
Closing remarks and final song. "We bring the ceremony to a close with one final song, [song title]."
After the ash scattering
Many people worry that once the ashes are scattered, there will be nothing left to return to. There are gentle ways to keep a connection with the place and the person.
You can mark the spot with an engraved memorial stone, so there is always somewhere to visit. If you would like to keep part of them close, a small amount of the ashes can be set aside before the scattering and made into a memorial piece you can hold. And if you are still planning the day itself, a scatter tube makes the scattering easier to manage and more dignified than pouring from the container the crematorium provides.
However you choose to say goodbye, the words matter less than the fact that you gathered to say them. Even the briefest farewell, spoken among people who loved them, is enough.
